By Jennifer Silverman
The Curious Columnist
Like most Amelia Islanders, I am surrounded by retirees – active, accomplished folks who’ve led amazing lives and who possess the sage wisdom to prove it. Practically daily, I commit to memory a poignant tidbit or impactful tale, squirreling oodles of octogenarian life lessons away for safe keeping.
While listening intently, I often wonder if my 40-year-old brain is at all capable of comprehending the messages within their stories, the meaning behind their guidance.
My latest aha moment emerged during nightly “wine time” with my silent-generation neighbors. In animated fashion, I described an irksome incident that had been gnawing at me for weeks. It was trivial. It didn’t matter, and I knew it didn’t matter. Nonetheless, I couldn’t seem to permanently delete the files from my human RAM. “I’m so annoyed and I can’t shake it. How do you do it?” I asked my neighbors.
They patiently explained that they largely “don’t care” about inconsequential concerns anymore. Whether it be bullies, pettiness, or a gaggle of pesky squirrels, you name it – my senior pals don’t major in minors. If it’s not important to them – truly important, it consistently rolls off their backs.
Intrigued, I realized that I’d inadvertently hit the sage wisdom jackpot. If only I could wrap my mind around the mysterious x-factor that enables seniors to stop fretting about the silly stuff, and focus on the meaningful. Then, I could spread the word.
Should this profound secret be uncovered, younger folks might operate from a vantage point of maturity and gratitude, thereby saving ourselves decades of angst. In essence, we could buck the mustached Monopoly chap’s mandates, forgo jail, pass go, and collect $200, all the way to Park Place.
Of course, I had gotten ahead of myself. Wisdom apparently doesn’t work that way. It turns out that insight is only transferrable to a certain extent. No one else can do our personal growth homework or take our self-actualization finals. We can be guided. We can be tutored. But unless we’re akin to Doogie Howser, MD, we cannot bypass middle school en route to Princeton.
Undeterred, I inquired, “But how do you actually stop caring about things you don’t care about? Is it a mindset shift? Or do you take some specific action?” The consensus of several neighbors is that the aptitude for devoting energy to worthwhile thoughts, people, and pursuits just comes – with age and experience.
They don’t hit some levitating button that magically materializes on their 75th birthday. They don’t miraculously wake up with the ability to banish unproductive thoughts. They live in the present with all that they’ve learned, and they acknowledge rather than shrug off, the phenomenon of time.
As far as I can tell, one of the most glaring differences between my millennial age group and the silent generation is their acute self-awareness. Now in their eighties, my neighbors know exactly who they are. Although they continue to evolve, they are completely hip to their own identities. Their values and morals are fully formed, and those are the impulses which they act upon.
The seniors I know are so adept at being true to themselves, they frequently cut through the noise with little effort. When it comes to the small stuff, they just don’t care. And that’s a really good thing.
Thus, I’ve implemented an inspired self-awareness life hack. When I catch myself making mountains out of molehills, I pose an internal query: “Who do you want to be?” My answer is always some version of a non-worrywart who does not permit meaningless hang-ups or their perpetrators to live rent-free in my head. After all, mental tizzies accomplish nothing and they don’t change anything.
As for my aforementioned irksome incident, I aspire to affirm that I too, officially don’t care. Alas, I’m in the early stages of my carefree climb. I may have a ways to go, but I retain an invaluable secret weapon – remarkable role models.
Jennifer Silverman has served as a celebrity wardrobe stylist for hundreds of TV personalities and professional athletes. A few of her favorite projects include The Olympic Games, The World Cup, and The Oscars. Silverman and her Westie, Petunia, relocated from Manhattan to Amelia Island in 2019. She launched her popular newspaper column, The Curious Columnist in 2022. Additional quirky commentary penned by Silverman is available by visiting www.CuriousColumnist.com. Email her at Jennifer@CuriousColumnist.com
